[Fragile] is almost ready to meet with the audience. Soon the avanpremiere in Bucharest and next year in Porto, Luxemburg, Riga and Bucharest !
(photos by Ciprian Gheorghe)
Today I don’t like contemporary dance because:
– this art form is living in a too small closed circle and doesn’t reach a larger audience (the audience is usually artists, friends of artists, family and boyfriends/girlfriends/husbands etc)
– artists are too crazy;
– concepts are too complicated and most of the works are superficials;
– artists doesn’t think to much to the audience;
– sometimes, nothing is something, instead of being just nothing;
– it is a too fragile art form.
Today we started a new swap of identities. Giselda become Cristian, Cristian moved in Tanja’s body and Tanja discovered Giselda. A hard and difficult process of finding our fragilities….
“In the last 24h I achieved to:
– roll several bad cigarettes
– finally buy the soap I wanted to buy at the pharmacy
– try my emotional solo in a new way at Cristians flat
– forget how to speak in my own language, but speak quite well norwegian
– get a compliment on my romanian pronunciation from a taxi driver
– take the metro in Bucharest
– remember that I can dance as a gypsy bride
– keep over 50% of my dancing even in the new body
– remember to put on my perfume
– get rid of the rash on my chest
It was a good day.
this hours was very uncomfortable and painful to be. My boots was harding me a lot, and my body was in conflict with my mind and the opposite, did no know exactly where to put the thinks.
realising that i don’t have so much information about me or I forgot them, I started to watch norwegian movies for the language and tried to look again for my movement quality.
I felt like I started to loose my identity and I can´t connect with myself so good like the other days.
I was trying to flirt again with cristian as usual but i decided not to remain at his place after, where we had a very good diner all together. I was no more then 20% of myself because of the cristian influences.
trying to redo my solo was a hard job for me today but in the and i had the feeling that i was there.
I made a lot of pictures and I play with the lights at cristian´s flat. I have one more task to do.
the taxi driver said that the people in rusia have a better life then in romania
i was really faling in love with cristian today. i am glad that I had the change to go with the metro to cristian´s place, where it is so nice, cosy and we spend time discussing about contemporary dance, playing with the lights and watching giselda´s solo.
It was a good day,
A new starting point. No matter where are you going, go deep inside everything and it will be ok.
Hope you can enjoy the experience, find something unknown on your path, grow as artist and person too.
To find your measure and way.
Then a rush came on my skin…well! I really went deep inside the first week of work!
Someone says that the skin is that part of your body that allows informations coming from the outside of the body, to go deep inside.
The skin keep in contanct external and inner.
Am I having a fight ongoing between outside and inside of me?
Am I forcing myself toward something?
I need an emotional check up…maybe?
I don’t feel right, I feel very much left. Left behind. I feel my colleagues can go much deeper than me, while I still can’t manage to puncture the surface and start digging. I hate watching people dig around me, and not having the capacity to dig myself. I feel stupid, in a way.
I feel like I am always two steps behind, desperate to catch up, but instead of «cath» it becomes «fuck» – so I fuck up.
In my desperation I feel I throw up proposals, and I have no clue about what is too much, or not enough, or what works and what doesn’t, but I just keep on vomiting my insides out. I propose, and propose over, and propose again. And I am equally surprised when things work, as I am when things don’t work. Is THIS ok, and that NOT…?
I feel like I’m standing on the outside looking in through a glass door, and I can see people talking and discussing, but I can’t fully understand what they are saying, because I can only hear them partially. And obviously, they can’t hear me either. And I don’t have the key to this stupid door, and I can’t read lips, so I get really frustrated and start shouting instead of speaking, to see if my ideas can perforate the glass door in that way. It’s not a very efficiant method…
“Riga (/ˈriːɡə/; Latvian: Rīga, pronounced [ˈriːɡa] ) is the capital and largest city of Latvia. With 693,064 inhabitants (January 2014), Riga is the largest city of the Baltic states and home to more than one third of Latvia’s population. The city lies on the Gulf of Riga, at the mouth of the Daugava. Riga’s territory covers 307.17 km2 (118.60 sq mi) and lies between 1 and 10 metres (3.3 and 32.8 ft) above sea level, on a flat and sandy plain.”
I have never been to Riga. I fucking hate Riga right now.
– the very irrational Tanja
Today Tanja and Giselda arrived in Bucharest. We joined forced with Cristian and together we all watched “C(H)ours”, the recording of the performance made by Alain Platel in Teatro Real in Madrid in 2012. I found many connections points with the [Fragile] project and most probably we will re-enact one one his beautiful moments. After Tihno Segal, Christian Boltanski another important artist will join us in the fragile process of making a performance. I feel that everybody is ready to start the next phase of our project in which our ideas will meet the audience. Stay tuned and follow our process….
I feel like the «new girl».
I don’t even know what to expect, really. I imagine that I’ll be coming in to something already established – but hopefully not set in stone. I feel like I have a million different thoughts and feelings, that I feel are of relevance and might be related to this, but I fear that in reality they will turn out to be in no way connected to anything in this project.
I guess I’ll have to find my place in this too. I kind of feel that that is the story of my life – finding my place. It’s also something I believe (or maybe hope) a lot of us are faced with in different stages of life. I haven’t really found anything of truly great fignificance this far (in terms of life).
In terms of this project, it has been haunting me for a longer period now. But in the strangest ways, creating chains of thoughts that even I can’t seem to follow… Like for example, here’s a funfact for you: in June this year, I decided that I would no longer shave my legs, armpits or bikini area, all this because I suddenly got the feeling that I was changing my true identity by removing this hair, that obviously is growing there naturally… Yeah, how did I get there? …The strange new girl…
Anyway, here I am, in all of my hairyness, sitting in my sofa writing this text with no actual clue as to what this period in Bucharest will bring.
One thing is sure, I already feel like I’m standing on the edge of something unknown.
So, only one thing to do then – jump in with open arms.
How I feel? Sometimes I do some emotional check up…just to know.
Here it is.
I’m exited to start this second step of the project because it will be like to dive one more in the unknown. I mean, this fragility theme it’s so wide that any time, I feel I have the opportunity to search more deeply inside of it, inside of me and inside of ourselves.
It’s since last time I’m thinking about fragility. Sometimes it has happened to talk with some friends about fragility and among other things it come out that fragility can mean strength. The most amazing thing is that this link between these two quite opposite terms it come out during the residency in Riga. So we’re touching something special because shared.
I love people and I think that this project is about people, it’s about humanity through the lens of fragility.
So….yes, I’m exited, but I’m worried too because I know that the work it’s going not to be easy. Because this kind of research it claim to the performer – but I prefer to say researcher – to trust in the process and to drop down his/her barriers. Therefore I know that to work in the right way, that for me means in an honest way, I have to forget myself in order to find something over me.
And, one more, is very true the theatrical rule that say: “On stage you have to die to rebirth”.
I just thought a few days a go, how this developing process and personal developing process, starting with Fragile project experience, has open for me new perspectives and new understandings of creativity notion and imagination. And also the relations, the approach and the empathy with the people I worked with, during all this period. No I am at the point when I am feeling good vibe, concerning my body and my state of mind. I feel the need to be understood, to feel confident and to feel that the people around me can trust me. I am so curious to go further with our research, being prepared to open my mind and my feelings. I thing it is also very important to be able to offer a great human and emotional experience to the people that we will going to meet during the process. I cant wait to start with my eyes open and feeling happy to be with you, because from there we can develop things together.
Two days ago, on my last day of my 6 weeks trip in Japan, I visited Christian Boltanski’s archive in Teshima island (Japan), “the island where hearts from over the world gather”. I was the 15744 visitor who recorded and added his heart beats to his special exhibition “Les Archives du Cour”. I spent some time in his exhibition, listening to my own heart and others hearts while looking to the beautiful view of the window.
And I start reading his exhibition notes in the special box which I received together with by heart beat recording.
“Les Archives du Couer”
Here, people are immersed in a variety of thoughts.
The transience, fragility, value of human life –
The desire to leave something behind and the idea that nothing will remain.
“Living a good life” doesn’t mean to remain fixed on youth nor does it mean to attempt to live a longer life.
It means to accept the natural cycle that begins with birth and ends with death.
There are people who lived before us and people who will be born after us. What’s important is the spirit of transmission.
People only come back to life in other people’s memories.”
While listening and reading, I start thinking to our project about fragility. For sure, the soundtrack of our performance will have some beats on it.
[Fragile] is entering soon on the final stage of development. Stay tuned for a very special experience.